That’s a valid question. I don’t think we can counter name calling with more name calling. Because if she is “right” to call someone names, then why aren’t the people calling me names right, too? Name calling is name calling. It’s right or it’s wrong. You know?

To me, it felt like picking sides. She just picked me instead of them. And while it was nice to have a friend and be welcome, it didn’t explain why so many people hated me. In a way, it just reinforced the division of us and them.

I think if she’d sat me down and said those people don’t like you because they don’t like the church your grandfather went to as a boy, maybe I’d have seen how ridiculous it was. It wouldn’t have made it easier to be ostracized and excluded. But it would have helped me understand and not internalize.

Because that’s what kids do. When someone attacks them, they take it personally, like there’s something wrong with them.