Pepe, here’s how it fits. I think you are using “women” and “femininity” interchangeably. There are lots of abusive women, for sure. But an abusive woman is not “toxic femininity.” That’s not what the term means.

There is so much confusion over the terms toxic masculinity and toxic femininity I wish they’d used a different phrase.

Patriarchal society creates “desired” traits for men and women. This we already know. Men are “aggressive,” women are “bitchy.” Men who sleep around are a stud, women who do the same are a slut. I could go on, but you get the point. There are behaviors that are “okay” when men do them, and not okay if women do.

When traits that are “typically male” (ie anger, seeking power and control) hurt themselves (ie; harmful to men) as well as their loved ones, those traits are called toxic masculinity.

Using the same definition, if traits that are “typically female” hurt women and the people they love, that would be toxic femininity.

The world is full of women who “act like men” to try to get ahead. Which is to say, they adopt typically male behaviors. That is not toxic femininity.

So while it’s true that there are abusive women too, that is not toxic femininity. Toxic women, sure. But “women” and “femininity” are not synonyms. They do not mean the same.

Hope that makes sense.