I read a post that said; in life, we get what we “think” we deserve...
Mostly, I ignore stuff I don’t agree with. You have to. Because if you don’t, it’s too easy to become that person running around “correcting” everyone who’s wrong on the internet. lol. Full time job, there.
But this one — this one kept chewing at me. Because, you see, some of the people I love most have self worth issues. And it’s a minefield.
What you think you deserve and what you tolerate aren’t the same.
Mama used to say if you don’t like being treated like a doormat, get off the floor. Mama’s phrase is about what we accept or tolerate. Lines in the sand.
Drawing lines in the sand is a good thing.
If you don’t draw lines in the sand, you end up letting everyone else drive the proverbial bus and odds are pretty high you’re going to end up somewhere you didn’t want to be. So yes, draw lines in the sand. Please.
What you think you deserve… that’s a whole different animal.
Deserving is a loaded keg
We humans are really attached to reward and punishment — preferably our reward and someone else’s punishment. Ever notice how we use the word?
— Bad thing happened to someone you hate? Jerk got what he deserved!
— When something bad happens to us? We didn’t deserve that.
— Unless we have worth issues. Then maybe we did “deserve” it.
What you “think” you deserve is a minefield for people with self worth issues
When my ex cheated on me and our marriage fell apart, did I get what I “thought” I deserved? Nope. I sure didn’t.
What I thought I deserved was a partner who honored our marriage. A partner who could admire another pretty girl without feeling compelled to cheat. So nope, I didn’t get what I “thought” I deserved.
But then, I don’t have self worth issues. There’s a whole lot of women with self worth issues that might “think” they deserved to be cheated on. You know…
because they’re not pretty enough,
or because they’re too fat,
or because they have a lower sex drive
or because they have depression
or some other mental illness,
or because they’re not a good enough wife in some other way.
We do not get what we deserve or what we think we deserve. Life doesn’t work that way. Bad things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people. Same with good things.
More often than not, we all get a lot of crap we didn’t deserve. Doesn’t matter if you’re a genuinely good person or a universally despicable one, you’re going to get crap you didn’t actually deserve, whether you think you did or not. Because — other humans!
Setting boundaries is a good thing. But telling people they get what they “think” they deserve in life is a minefield for people with self worth issues and mental health issues. And it’s wrong.
I see you out there, head hung low, thinking
somehow you deserved what happened to you.
You, with your broken wings and worth issues
and I just wanted to tell you that you, too, are a
precious child of the universe, even if you can’t
see that today or tomorrow, and you deserved
better than what you got, and perhaps most
especially on the days you thought you didn’t.