I'm in the frozen north. Up in Canada, above North Dakota. This was funny, but none of them fit. Know why I'm here? No tsunamis or ocean waves that eat homes or capsize boats. No radical storms. Nothing on the beach will sting my foot. Yes, there's a beach. By the river. No spiders as big as my hand.

My sister lives in Australia. Everything there wants to eat you. I'll take the prairies. Plus, we get all the benefits of global warming here. Global warming is bad, But it means for people on the prairies, winters are shorter and warmer than they used to be.