Did both horses live? Did your friend's dad let him live? (lol)
See the part I highlighted? That's the kind of paragraph you should start with. Cause it's real strong. Enough to keep people reading.
Part of me is saying shut up, no one asked for feedback. lol. But a lot of people can't write a strong opening sentence if their life depended on it. You can. It's just in the wrong place.
Thanks for tagging -- sure enough, this didn't show up in my feed so I'd have missed it if you hadn't tagged me. That's why I like when people I follow tag me. My feed is drunk.