Anjali — your words are so evocative and beautiful. In some parts, I could feel the wistfulness so strongly.
The best suggestion I could give you is to break your writing into shorter paragraphs. It’s almost blasphemy, I know, and they would be perfect as is if it was in print. But on a screen, people get lost in walls of text and find it hard to read. If you break into shorter paragraphs, you will also be able to lead people from one to the next easier so they continue reading.
And then, of course, submitting to a publication so you can get in front of a bigger audience of readers. Good luck!! :)