Ah, well, we are in the same space. I agree and disagree with myself all the time! In this case, I agree. Thing is, all the quotes you refer to could be understood by a sixth grader.

A phrase like “I gazed into the ravening maw of the Kraken” is word-smithing at its finest. OMG, if we could all write that way. What a goal to strive for.

Problem is, most writers who “try too hard” would use the word mouth. But not just mouth, it would be accompanied by at least 3 adjectives. And the gazing wouldn’t be gazing, it would be some simpler verb, accompanied by several adjectives.

They might look cautiously and incredulously into the coal black abyss of the maleficent beast’s horrifying mouth, punctuated by razor sharp teeth.

Which is just droll, really.

No doubt, being able to write like the examples you gave is something we’d all love to do. But most fall so short of the mark that they’d be better to go for simple. Tell the story.

Another note, too, is that the examples I gave were only the first few lines. Many of those works have some very excellent examples of word-smithing. But they start simple. Without “build-up” or “setting the tone” which is another common mistake new writers make.

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